Driving Lesson
by redrider6612
Summary: Hodgins has decided Zach ought to learn to drive.  Just a fun little one shot.


**Driving Lesson**

"This is a really bad idea," Zach said. Hodgins had never seen his friend so agitated. He suppressed a groan of frustration. He had a feeling this was going to test the limits of his patience, but he was determined to do his best.

"C'mon, Zach. You need to learn how to drive," Hodgins said firmly from the passenger seat of his precious '68 Mustang. Zach's hands were trembling and he hadn't even started the car yet.

"Why? I'm perfectly content being a passenger."

Hodgins sighed. "Tell me something. You say you don't want to learn to drive because cars are dangerous. Why is it you're willing to ride in them?" He figured logic was going to be the only way he was going to get Zach past his fear.

Zach finally looked at him. "Good question. I'm going to have to think about it. Until then, why don't we postpone the driving lesson?" he asked hopefully.

Hodgins shook his head. "Nice try, dude, but no. Now, start the car."

"Are you sure you want to use this car? Don't you have a less…valuable car?" Zach asked, beginning to get really nervous. He knew if he got one scratch on Hodgins' precious 'Stang', he'd never hear the end of it.

"It's the only American made car I have. And the least expensive car I own, by the way. Don't worry, I'm sure you're not going to crash," Hodgins said with as much confidence as he could muster.

"Tell me again why you think I should learn to drive?" Zach asked, stalling for time.

"Dude, what if we're out in the middle of nowhere and I'm unable to drive for some reason?"

"Why? What could possibly happen that would render you unable to drive?"

Hodgins sighed and rolled his eyes. "Say I get hurt and you have to drive me to a hospital to get medical attention for me."

Zach was frowning. "I really can't imagine that scenario. It's completely implausible. We never drive to remote areas alone together and I can't imagine any situation in which you might become injured so severely you are unable to drive."

"Right, probably because you _have_ no imagination," Hodgins muttered. "What if there was an emergency and you needed to get somewhere right away and there was nobody around to drive you?"

"I would call a cab," Zach said stubbornly.

"Say there's no time to wait for a cab," Hodgins replied. Zach opened his mouth, but Hodgins interrupted to forestall another statement regarding his friend's gaps in imagination. "Just go with me here, Zach. It could happen."

Zach sighed. "I suppose in that unlikely scenario, I would need to know how to drive, assuming there was a vehicle available." Hodgins grinned. Finally! "Fine. What do I do first?" Zach asked, putting his trembling hands on the steering wheel. It was obvious he wasn't going to get out of this.

Hodgins suppressed a triumphant laugh, settling in. "Okay, give it a little gas and turn the key."

Zach hesitantly reached for the key and turned it as he pressed the gas pedal. The engine cranked, but didn't start. Zach threw Hodgins a frustrated look. "Again," Hodgins said patiently. Obediently, Zach turned the key again, pumping the gas. The engine came alive with a deep growl and Zach smiled. "Good. Okay, now press the brake pedal and put the car in reverse, then gently press the gas pedal." He did as he was told, but pressed the gas too hard. He slammed on the brake and the car screeched to a halt just short of a tree.

Zach was breathing hard as his panicked eyes turned to Hodgins. "Are you sure--?" he asked again.

"Yes," Hodgins replied firmly. "Now, put the car in drive and turn the wheel to direct the car onto the road, pressing _gently_ on the gas pedal."

Zach took a deep breath and complied, trying to stop his hands from shaking. He hadn't been this nervous when he had defended his doctorate thesis, but then he hadn't been in any physical danger then. For the first time in a long time he said a brief prayer to the God he'd been raised to believe in.

Again he pressed the gas too hard and they pulled out into the street with a squeal of tires. He quickly eased back on the pedal and they settled into a more sedate speed. Zach's eyes kept darting around them and then to the mirrors, expecting another vehicle to come barreling at them at any moment, but the street was thankfully empty at this early hour on a Sunday. They came to a four-way stop and he hit the brake a bit too hard, jerking them forward and back. He slid a glance at Hodgins. He had one hand braced on the dashboard, the other was clutching the door handle and his face was set in a grimace. Hodgins threw him a jerky nod of encouragement and Zach focused on the road, slowly pressing the gas.

Unfortunately the streets weren't completely empty. Zach nearly had a stroke when another car approached from an adjacent street at an apparent high rate of speed, but it stopped at the intersection and waited for them to pass. He stopped at a red light and glanced over at his silent passenger again. His posture hadn't relaxed at all, which caused Zach to tense up even more. His previously dormant imagination conjured a mental picture of a horrific crash in which they both perished. The light turned green and he just sat there, staring.

"Press the gas, Zach," Hodgins instructed patiently. Zach shook his head to clear the disturbing image from his mind and carefully did as he was told. They continued down the road, five miles an hour under the speed limit. "Signal a right turn and turn at this next intersection."

A turn? Zach's heart rate picked up, but he did as he was told. Gripping the steering wheel like his life depended on it, he executed the turn jerkily. A tense smile broke over his face as they continued down the road without incident.

"Get in the left lane at the next intersection. You need to learn how to make a left turn safely," Hodgins said calmly.

Zach's eyes flew wide. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said nervously. "Statistically accidents involving left turns outnumber any other—"

"I don't want to hear it," Hodgins said a bit too loudly. "If you aren't willing to make left turns, it's going to take a lot longer to get places. With caution, left turns can be made just as safely as right turns." They had passed the intersection Hodgins had told him to turn left at. "At the next intersection, get in the left lane, Zach. It'll be okay," he finished in a gentler tone.

Zach drew a shaky breath. "Okay."

Traffic was getting heavier. Zach slowly pulled into the intersection and stopped when Hodgins told him to. He missed several opportunities to turn, and Hodgins was getting impatient when the light turned yellow. "Turn now, Zach," he urged. Waiting a beat too long, Zach hit the gas and yanked the steering wheel, narrowly missing a blue Mazda that had run the light. He pulled to the curb, his heart pounding, breathing like a bellows.

"W-w-what did I tell you! We almost got hit back there!" he babbled in a shaky voice.

Hodgins was trying to calm down. It wouldn't do for both of them to lose it. "Its okay, Zach, we made it, we're fine."

Zach gulped, willing his heart and respiration back to normal, but his body wasn't listening. "I-I think I've had enough driving lesson for one day. I have a date with Melissa Friday night and I would really love to live to see it." His hands had a death grip on the steering wheel and his eyes had a wild look in them.

Hodgins took a deep breath. "Okay, but this ain't over, Zach-o. We're gonna give it another go next Sunday."

Zach grimaced. "I'm busy next Sunday. For that matter, I'm busy every Sunday. I think I'm going to join a church." His mother would be happy to hear that. If he actually did it, which he might be willing to do if it forestalled any further driving lessons.

Hodgins laughed. "Right, buddy, like that's gonna happen." Zach opened his car door but Hodgins didn't move. "What are you doing?"

Zach looked at his friend. "Trading places so you can drive home."

Jack shook his head. "Uh-uh, you got us here, you can drive us back," he said stubbornly.

Zach groaned. "Come on, Jack. I think one near death experience is enough for one day."

Jack settled in and folded his arms. "Nope. It's only a couple miles and you need the practice."

Heavy sigh, door slam. "Okay, but if we get in an accident, it'll be your fault. I gave you a chance to prevent it." Looking carefully both ways, he inched back out onto the street, shoulders hunched as though expecting an impact at any second.

"Will you relax, man?" Hodgins said. It was going to be a very long drive back if Zach couldn't loosen up a bit.

"How do you expect me to relax when we could get hit any minute?"

Hodgins rolled his eyes. "Look, the other drivers don't want to get in an accident any more than you do."

Zach glanced over at him and at that moment a red minivan pulled out in front of them. "Look out!" Hodgins yelled. Zach slammed on the brakes a split second too late. The front bumper of the Mustang crunched into the rear of the minivan. They sat there stunned.

"Are you crazy?!" a shrill voice said from outside Zach's window. They both looked at the angry woman standing by their vehicle. Putting the car into park, Zach turned off the engine and rolled down the window.

"Are you injured?" Zach asked in a remarkably calm voice.

This brought her up short and she frowned at him. "Of course not! But look at my van!" she wailed. Hodgins pulled out his cell and called the police while Zach dealt with the upset lady. An hour later they finished with the accident report and were headed back home with Hodgins behind the wheel.

"This wouldn't have happened if you had changed places with me," Zach stated in his best 'I told you so' tone of voice. "Now I have a ticket for driving without a license and your car is going to need some body work."

Jack sighed with frustration. "Drop it, okay Zach? These things happen sometimes. But don't think this is going to get you out of learning how to drive."

"Great. Which car are we going to use next time? The Lamborghini? The Porsche? Or your precious Mini Cooper?" Zach needled. He knew how much Jack loved his cars.

"Nope. I'm going to buy an old clunker for you to learn in. It would be cheaper in the long run anyway."

"That isn't necessary. I really don't care to learn to drive. Today's experience has proven that I was right all along. I am better off as a passenger," Zach said stubbornly.

"C'mon, Zach, be a man. I mean, isn't it embarrassing that your date always has to drive when you go out?"

Zach shrugged. "Melissa says it's cute. And she's not the first one to say that."

Jack rolled his eyes. "They're just saying that to be nice. I bet privately they're thinking you're a wuss."

Zach folded his arms. Nothing was going to change his mind. Hodgins glanced over at his friend, amused by the stubborn posture. Attacking his manhood hadn't worked, so he'd have to try a different angle.

"Are you going to let a piece of machinery get the best of you? You're a genius, surely you can master driving a car," he argued, playing on Zach's pride in his own intelligence.

They pulled into the driveway as Zach replied. "I don't need to learn to drive to prove my intelligence. But that was a good try, Jack." They got out as the chauffeur came out of the garage and stared at the damaged bumper, but the man wisely kept his thoughts to himself as he got in the car and drove it to its space in the garage.

Hodgins shook his head as his friend said goodbye and headed up the stairs to his apartment. Maybe Angela could give him some ideas on how to deal with him.


End file.
